Brides, grooms, and wedding planning. Rarely is it totally smooth sailing, and rarely does a couple approach the nitty gritty of the big day in the same way. While I’m struggling (and failing) to avoid gender stereotypes here, it is usually the bride who is more concerned with all the details, and the groom who either keeps his distance completely, or only realises with a jolt that, you know, he’s getting married, with a few weeks to go.
So, if the two of you are not quite on the same page (or if one of you has yet to even open the book…) here is our guide to keeping the peace as the big day approaches.
1. Negotiate early on what you expect from each other in terms of planning. Does she want you to be involved in every detail? Or is she happy for you to chillax as she orders the favours, and the napkins, and the flowers? Brides, if you want lots of input with things then make it clear right at the start. But don’t forget that this doesn’t mean he has to agree with everything you want. More input = more points of view to accommodate. Just saying.
2. Play to your strengths. If one of you is great with budgets and the other is a spend-hound, you know who should be in charge.
3. Grooms, don’t be half-hearted about it. If you’re going to book the DJ, book it. Don’t say you’ll do it and then park it in the to-do pile for weeks. Nothing will stoke the fires of a nascent Bridezilla more thoroughly.
4. Talking of Bridezillas, I’m calling for a moratorium on that word. It’s used way too often just to refer to a woman who knows what she wants, and wants it all to be right. If a guy was super keen on making all the details sing, we’d be full of admiration. So let’s save that word for the real troublemakers like this one.
5. Grooms, don’t think you can just plan the fun stuff like honeymoons and playlists. That’s not fair. You need to get down with the seating plan, too.
6. If you really can’t get excited about the height of the cake, or peonies vs roses, at least pretend a bit, and be grateful that she is doing so much of the work. Again, it’s the details that make it special.
7. If you’re planning on leaving elements entirely to the bride, don’t criticise any element of it once it’s done. You had your chance.
8. Ultimately, if you’re at loggerheads, stop, drop the agenda, and breathe. Try to see each other’s points of view. Brides want their grooms to be as enthusiastic as them because it’s the biggest day of their lives (and yours) and it makes them feel connected and loved. And that’s what this day is all about, remember. Love.
Grooms, which category do you fall into?
Didn’t they do well?
‘We played to our strengths, I made the ties, ring pillow and corsages, he made the invites, save the dates, chocolate puddle favours. I got my mum and sister to do all the flowers and decorating and he got his parents to do catering and entertainment. I think it’s probably onevof the few things that we’ve done completely 50/50!’ Becca, Derby
‘Ryan planned our entire wedding… not in a “Don’t Tell The Bride” kind of way but in a Kirsty-is-really-terrible-at-putting-things-together way. He did it all and left me to show up on the day!’ Kirsty, Dubai
And not so well:
‘Paul kept having ideas that, yes, were really good, but never thought of how it could actually be done or how it affected the budget. I spent a lot of time juggling budgets and moving things around while he was oblivious and proud of his idea that ‘just happened’. Zoe, Hampshire
‘Husbeast is a control freak. I organised it and then he changed it.’ Hannah, Cheltenham